A few months ago, my college interviewer asked me, "What's your biggest weakness?". I hesitated, but I replied, "I think I dream too big, especially for someone who takes up such a small amount of space in this world".
Both of those statements were and are true- I do dream big, and I do take up a relatively small amount of space. At the time, I remember feeling very directionless. I had suddenly lost sight on what I wanted to study in college, who I wanted to become in the future, and most importantly, who I was. Having spent the past few months working with children with disabilities on opposite sides of the world and doing research on the flawed special education system of my own country had completely and irrevocably shifted my perspective on life.
However, it was unfair of me to disregard all of the new ah-ha moments I had had, the things I learned about myself every day, and the genuine relationships that I'd built over the past few months, and convince myself that just because I was small, my dreams had to be too.
The truth is, I don't believe in small goals. I don't believe in starting small and building up. Maybe that's where I go wrong, but I was five when I told my grandparents that I wanted to change the world and I tell them the same thing today. I believe in dreaming big, in falling asleep on the rooftop, announcing my wishes to the stars above. I believe in seeing a malnutritioned child on my doorsteps and wanting to end world hunger. I believe in watching children with disabilities get turned away from schools because they behave differently, think differently, are different and wanting to change the broken system. I believe in dreaming the big dreams, however impossible they may be, and continuing to pour my heart and soul into making it come true.
I may be naive and only sixteen-years-old, but my dreams are real, genuine, and not impossible. I shouldn't and can't continue to belittle my own goals out of fear that I won't ever achieve them. I probably won't achieve them to my heart's desire, but I know I won't give up on them. And I guess that's the beauty of dreaming big- of non-profit hospitals, an all-inclusive school, a universal healthcare and educational policy- they pave my future, always pushing me to work harder, think deeper, be better.
My ability, and my love for dreaming big comes with its own consequences. Periods of self reflection often conclude with a loss of direction. I question and re-question my life daily, wondering if it's pathetic for a 4'11" girl to want to change the world. I stay up at night, my mind racing with everything that I want to fix, to do, to help, to change. I call my grandparents and I rant to my mentors and my friends about feeling small and helpless. But, these things are inevitable. There will always be days when the weight on my shoulders - the weight I put on myself - is enough to break me. There will be days where my dreams feel more like wishes to shooting stars, than a plan for my future. And that is okay. I'm only sixteen and while I may be at the pinnacle of my height, I know that I'm not yet at the pinnacle of my growth. I have my whole life in front of me to continue to question, to grow, to nurture myself and my dreams.
It's a thin line between reality and fantasy, one that I don't think I will ever understand, but I know myself and I believe in myself to continue to push that line forward, until the day that I don't have to wish to the stars because my dreams have already come true.
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not to be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau
My ability to dream big isn't my biggest weakness, it's my greatest strength.
